Marriage & Couples - Lesson Three
                                             WORKING TOGETHER

  You may need your Bible and a pen & notebook to complete these lessons. You should be able to copy and paste these outlines to your word processor and print them without difficulty if you so desire. We recommend you record in your note book deep thoughts or questions that may arise as you study, and certainly record all things God reveals to your heart. Look over these notes frequently and use them even as you pray. God will cause you to grow in wisdom and understanding. Keep your note book with you throughout the day as much
as possible to record all God reveals to you and to review the things you have learned.

   We also recommend you make a habit of memorizing a scripture each week. This not only helps get the Word deep in your heart, but is also an excellent mental exercise.

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                                                                    WORKING TOGETHER

Part One: Me

Relationship seems like it should start with the association of two people, but it does not. Relationship starts with you.

1) Get your act together before you try to change someone else’s.

2) Choose Wisely.
     - ​Never go into a relationship figuring you can change the other person. It’s only you, yourself that you can truly change. People can grow            together over time, but more by working on themselves than on their partner.

      A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of
      A leaky faucet;
      You can’t turn it off
      And you can’t get away from it.
                        Proverbs 27:15 The Message translation

Getting Your Act Together
      The greatest help or the greatest hindrance to every potential relationship is the level fruit of the spirit in you.

       * love
       * joy
       * peace
       * longsuffering (patience)
       * kindness
       * goodness
       * faithfulness
       * gentleness
       * self-control
               Taken from Galatians 5:22&23


   Anyone doing well in all these areas will be attractive to everyone, no matter what their looks or finances are like. To add physically fit and      gainfully employed to this list puts one in the most eligible category.

   Are you looking for a meaningful relationship with the opposite sex?
    a)​ What do you bring to the table?
    b) ​What do you have to offer?
   

    ​​​Would your “Spouse Wanted” add read something like this?

                                WANTED
     Looking for an athletic, self motivated, energetic,
     optimistic and hardworking lady who is patient, generous
     kind and well educated, with potential for huge income.
     I’m currently out of shape, unemployed and live in my
     parents basement. Things are pretty crappy right now,
     I might be going back to school to finish grade 12
     I’m not sure. I’m 30 years old. Please call Vinny
     at 555-1234 and leave message




Part Two: Us

COUPLES
     I think couples can benefit from possessing some fruit of the spirit even more than singles, especially patience and self control. There are always going to be times where you don’t agree on what movie to watch or whether or not to ask for directions. Those are easy. Guys, go to the movie she wants to see and buy a G.P.S. The real problems in life are not the lid of tooth paste tube. You have to be ready for the financial difficulties, the pressures of career, children and building your lives together. It’s how you react and how you treat each other when the pressure is on that can make or break a marriage.

Here are some tips:

1. Shut up! When you’re angry, pressured or over tired, don’t say something stupid.

2. Communicate. Don’t try to make difficult decisions without involving your partner.
If there is something your partner is doing that bothers you, discuss it. Use caution as to how you say it so as to not offend.

3. Compromise. Don’t be determined to have your way. Always look for a win-win solution. My wife gets to green thumb the back yard, I get to do the front the way I like. She gets to decorate the house to her liking, my only demand is “not pink”, and I get to decorate the family room.

4. Work hard together. Don’t quit your job because you don’t like it and mooch of your spouse for two months while you look for another. Find a better job while you are working at the one you despise. Treat each others time and effort with respect.

5. Play hard together. Leisure time should be enjoyed together. Work should make way for a good vacation and travel as much as possible. Enjoy your life together.

6. Keep some friends. Don’t dump all your friends when you get involved with your partner. We all need time with a good friend regularly to bounce things off of. ( Definitely sever close relationships with ex lovers. If you dated them before, they are off your “going out for coffee alone” list forever. )

7. Pray together. You should always keep your own personal prayer time, but add an evening or morning prayer together. Just a few minutes is better than none at all.

8. Forgive each other QUICKLY! Never go to bed with anger and unforgiveness in your heart. Get rid of it quick. It is a tool of the enemy to divide and conquer.

9. Stay sexy. He likes it when you look and smell good for him at home, and not just for everyone else when you go out. She feels the same way. Get rid of the rag you call a night shirt and wear something she finds attractive (ask). Shave, shower and wear a cologne that doesn’t make her eyes water. This is sage advice.

10. When kids come, they need stability and love. They need to see mom and dad as one. They should never be able to pit one parent against the other. Even when Suzann and I would disagree, if one of us had already said no to the kids, it was no. We always asked what did your mom say, or what did your dad say? Our next statement was almost always, “than why are you asking me?”

Conclusion: Love and unity are unmistakable. Your children will see it, your friends will see it, and others will recognize it. This is something that can grow and develop over a lifetime. Contrary to popular belief, love isn’t something you fall into. Love is nurtured over time and will grow increasingly, without a limit. Don’t expect to never have difficulties or disagreements to overcome. That’s not realistic. A successful marriage will have a lot of give and take from both partners. It is worth the effort!
After 28 years of marriage I can honestly say love does continue to increase over time. Eventually you can come to a place where you truly know what love is. Early on in a relationship you may think you know what love is, but much like looking at a newly sprouted plant, you can’t see the majesty and beauty of it until it has fully grown.



from Daniel & Suzann Fox marriage workshop seminar
School Of Faith with Dan & Suzann                                              Marriage &Couples - 3